


What Repeal Couldn't fix (But Maybe Cougar Can)

by nibblechops



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, DADT Repeal, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:59:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nibblechops/pseuds/nibblechops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the repeal of DADT Jensen is only left in a worse position than before</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Repeal Couldn't fix (But Maybe Cougar Can)

They were all sat around in Clay’s office waiting for the telling email to come through. Jensen’s heart was hammering in his chest as his anxiety swept through him in tidal waves.   
The others were in a similar state as the seconds passed each slower than the last. Pooch was tapping his fingers on the desk much to the annoyance of Roque who looked like he was going to pull a knife on him.Clay just sat refreshing his inbox every few minutes waiting for the silence to end.

Cougar however just sat staring out of the window looking calm compared to the others in the room. His face was blank and passive. It gave Jensen hope that Cougar might actually be able to accept him if good news arrived.

Jensen was no fool and knew that this was no time for optimism. He'd made that mistake too often in his past and was determined not to let it happen again.

The clock ticked on matching the pace of Pooch’s rhythm. They all heard the notification as the email arrived in Clay’s inbox. 

It had been repealed. Jensen felt a weight drop off his shoulders and almost slipped into a grin. Almost. 

He turned to watch Roque bolt out of the room with a look of pure rage on his face. Pooch just shrugged it off with indifference as Clay gave an annoyed huff before walking out of the room muttering to himself obviously pissed about having to do damage control. 

Jensen just stood up numb to the core. He finally got it. Just because you could be out in the open doesn’t mean you should.  
With a sudden impulse to get away from them all Jensen walked into the surrounding area and found a tree to climb far enough away for no one to find him. He sat there for around five minutes taking everything in before the tears came. 

His heart felt like a dead weight in his chest dragging him down underwater as he struggled for breath. Each gasp of air just made him want to die more.  
He had stayed in the tree for an hour before he decided to man up and drink away his problems. He knew there was a bar close by the rest of the team had gone while Jensen finished hacking through firewalls and into the system of yet another corporate company.

He passed through streets of celebrating soldiers all happy as could be. He growled as he stormed through their groups.  
As expected the bar was rough, but that’s what he needed right now. He ordered shot after shot of tequila all he wanted was to be drunk. The drink didn’t fill the gaping hole in him. If anything it made it worse. 

How had he been naive enough to think that everything would be alright.

He carried on his pattern all week nobody really cared though. They’d all figured it out now anyway. Jensen was disgusted with himself.

Roque had been the first. He came to Jensen in the middle of the morning running a knife down his face and telling him to stay the fuck away from them all. Jensen didn’t argue he just nodded his head in agreement and ran in the opposite direction when Roque turned away.

He’d taken up smoking again unable to deal with the stress of the constant homophobia of his team. He’d promised his niece he’d stop. It wasn’t like uncle Jensen would be around for too much longer anyway.

He sat outside staring out into the evening sun preparing himself for another night on the couch now Pooch was ‘uncomfortable’ sharing a room with him. He was passing the time really. The next mission to come along and then he’d be done.

Can’t be a problem if you’re dead.

He’d taken his time writing the notes as well as half a bottle of shit whiskey and half a pack of cigarettes. He methodically made sure to apologize for every mistake he'd made, every line he'd crossed. For being gay.  
He told his sister to make sure his bug would be ok and that he was sorry for being a shit brother, but he couldn't take this.  
He cried into the sofa arm for the rest of the night.

When the details came for their next mission he sat down with an expensive bottle of whiskey and bid farewell to the place where his own personal hell had started.  
They all ignored his bloodshot eyes as he stumbled behind the team. Jensen didn't blame them.

He thought he’d been clever. He'd hidden the notes out of sight of them all until the night before they were due to storm the place. He should have known by now he just wasn't that lucky.  
He'd climbed a nearby tree to have a few moments to himself and his whiskey. Unknown to him Cougar had heard him get up and shuffle around everyone’s bags before retreating. 

Cougar searched his bag and found the offending item that had been placed in it. He read it to himself quickly before scrambling up the tree after him.

As he reached Jensen he pulled the younger man into a hug as Jensen cried into his shoulder. Cougar was pissed with himself for not saying anything, not being there for the younger man as he came to terms with the teams reaction to the repeal. Self hatred pulsed through his veins. Jensen must have noticed as he only clung on to Cougar tighter. He was scared of being left alone with his demons again.

He knew that Jensen was beyond broken and that he needed help and support. All of which Cougar should have already been supplying to this tragically broken man that he held in his arms, barely a shell of his former self. 

They stayed curled together in the tree all night,sharing each others warmth and comfort. Cougar whispering apologies and soft reassurances to Jensen as he attempted to start putting back together his best friend.


End file.
